I caught it bad just today

[bluemold]

Comments

[bluemold]

my father died and my mother thought that...

I guess mostly for Kangwoo's sake and because she wanted a fresh start

Kangwoo is autistic and that is tough in Korea

maybe she also thought it'd be good for me, I wasn't the best for a while before my father died

[kingsolitude]

Shit. I'm sorry, man. Didn't mean to open old wounded or anything.

Good for little Kangwoo, glad he's gonna get better help.

And if you ever want to talk about all that, I know what you're going through. I lost my grandmother early this year. My grandfather like two years back... my parents before that.

I know the feelings intimately.

[bluemold]

it's okay

I guess

I don't know, these things are never okay

sorry for your loss

I feel guilty because I don't know if I'd have changed the way I behaved back then if it wasn't for my father dying, because I had to shape up

I don't know

[kingsolitude]

It's never a good thing to lose someone.

Though it does remind you of priorities and who you truly want to be.

I don't know how you were but you should be proud of who you are now, man. You get up every day, even if you don't want to. You take care of your little bro, Kangwoo and your grumpy teenager, Jungkook.

Bet you take care of your mom too. And she needs that.

Just don't burn yourself out being the good son, yeah? Be proud of who you are but give yourself a break. It's okay to hurt and be angry sometimes. It's okay to be depressed. Happens to all of us.

The past is the past, baby. Don't dwell.

[bluemold]

I'm not that good. I just kinda try.

but I'm no longer drinking a lot by myself, so there's that

I know I've got depression, but, y'know, who has time for that?

both Kangwoo and Jungkook kind of break apart at the idea of me having problems

[kingsolitude]

I'm trying to do that, get less reliant on drink.

For me, the big one was drugs. After I lost my grandmother, I did a lot of the hard stuff but... I stopped. I wanna live my life. It's just nice to escape.

I guess to them, you're their pillar. They'll get it one day, when they're older.

[bluemold]

drugs are hard to get in Korea, or I'd have maybe done the same

good on you for stopping

for a while, I really wanted to drink myself to death, but I have things to do now, keep living

maybe, though Kangwoo might never... I don't know how much you know about autism

[kingsolitude]

I don't know much about autism. I know a bit?

Mostly what I gathered from youtube and twitter, probably not the best sources.

I follow someone who's autistic and they make some sick beats but... not my area.

Is it bad?

[bluemold]

he is still pretty young, so it's a bit early to properly assess the severity, but he is in a specialised school now and he's doing all right

I don't know

it's complicated... he's sweet, but he can't always express himself, he can't always look at people, he melts down a lot, he can be very unpredictable... he ran into traffic when he was three, got a call about that when I was at school

sometimes he goes days only communicating nonverbally

[kingsolitude]

Damn, that sounds tough.

He's the little boy you make food for, yeah? Kangwoodles. Guess he's super lucky to have a brother who loves him that much. Hopefully the special school will help him out.

Is it something that can improve or is it like coping with it? Bit like depression, I guess?

[bluemold]

it's a coping thing, and if he learns those coping strategies earlier, it can help avoid it becoming more severe

he used to be worse, honestly, the school is good for him

and all of it is tough on Jungkook, because he feels like he's an afterthought

[kingsolitude]

Ah, the middle child thing. Ouch, that's rough. He's 13 too so that's just a bad time in everyone's life.

His little bro is stealing all the attention, huh?

What drama.

[bluemold]

yeah, he had a couple of breakdowns over how I don't love him like I love Kangwoo and now I have to keep playing fortnite with him

I suck at it

he's a good boy though, really

[kingsolitude]

Kids are tough, I would say I get it but I don't. I have no kids around me much - I've always kind of been alone. Even with my grandparents, they were busy and old, you know. It's just been me for most of my life.

Siblings sound fun but lots of work.

You're a good brother, you should be proud.

An amazing hyung :D

[bluemold]

I feel I have to be, I almost let them down a lot

so that's why depression can wait

not America's fault, by the way, I just had more distractions from depression when I was in Korea

[kingsolitude]

Let me distract you

You know

We should meet some time.

[bluemold]

why?

I'm not good with that

meeting people

there was that delivery boy at the restaurant once and I saw his abs and offered him a drink three times, kept forgetting to give him one

[kingsolitude]

you're so cute.

Low pressure, man. I get it, you don't like being the center of attention and it's tough. Totally understand.

So what if I came by and we just listened to music?

[bluemold]

dunno

what are you gonna wear? because you might have to die of thirst

[kingsolitude]

Joggers and a hoodie.

I'll be lowkey, promise. I'm a good boy when I wanna be.

And I wanna be good for you ;)

[bluemold]

you are weird

you don't gotta do that, by the way

I like you, you don't have to flirt

[kingsolitude]

I don't have to do anything.

I do what I wanna do.

I want to flirt with a cute boy. Don't spoil my fun, lemme flirt!

The only way I'd ever stop chasing you is if I just had you.

[bluemold]

I figure

then you could chase others

I guess that's how it works

[kingsolitude]

Nah.... what?

No, you dummy.

If I got you, why would I chase you? You're mine.

Why? You gonna be running away from me forever?

[bluemold]

I can't run for that long, tbh

I'm just saying

I dunno what I'm saying

I played the game before, I always just lost, so I don't want to play now